Writing Matters

Editor reports results of jargon survey: Staff is iffy on some agency terms

For this post, I am glad to welcome guest blogger Sarah Shepard, Senior Engineering Research Editor for the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation (DEC). You may remember Sarah; I blogged about her a few weeks ago. She's the plain language advocate who came up with the best strategy ever for showing her colleagues that DEC's jargon compromises clarity. Sarah tested DEC's jargon on DEC itself. Read the original post here: Editor surveys staff to see whether they understand their own jargon.

I asked Sarah to get in touch when the survey was complete, and here's what she has to say:

"Results from the DEC jargon survey are in and I am surprised. The response was huge. Almost 30% of the 3,000 people in our agency responded. As surveys poured in, I realized people were motivated by more than the desire to win the pizza we’d offered.  Why did so many take the survey? On my good days, I think the survey resonated with those who are frustrated with how we communicate with the public. On my not-so-good days, I think some people completed it to protect their own jargon.

They claimed to know lots of terms
I was surprised that 80% of DEC knew what brownfield, consent order, and aquifer meant. Really?  We'll never know for sure because we didn’t ask people to define the words they claimed to know. Take the term angler days, for example. Within our Plain Language group, some thought it meant the days you could fish for free. Others thought it was the length of the fishing season. Neither is correct, but everyone thought they knew what the term meant, so highly confident responses on the survey have to be viewed with some skepticism.

They admitted to being iffy on some terms
In contrast, the data from the “I’m not familiar with this word” and “I’ve heard it, but I don’t know what it means” categories was clear. Less than half of our staff knows what anadromous means. Ditto for viewshed and down wood. Climate change lingo -- carbon sequestration, low-carbon economy, and green-collar workforce -- was equally unfamiliar. Despite confusion about these terms, the survey showed our staff is in command of much of our jargon, although reluctant to label it as such. “Ruminant is not jargon,” I was told, but a “legitimate scientific term that everyone should know.”

We surveyed the public and they were stumped too
Curious about which terms the public did know, I opened the survey to them. Well, not exactly the true public, but family and friends of DEC staff. As expected, the public was even more unfamiliar with the terms that stumped us.  But there were a few surprises. Seventy-one percent of our slice of the public thought they knew what riparian meant. An even higher percentage said they knew the meaning of non-point source and biosolid. Could this be? Even if it’s true, that still means about 30% of those outside DEC don’t understand these words. That’s a lot of people. We need to be careful where we use such words. 

If you want more detail about survey results, scroll to the bottom of this post.

Thanks for your interest in DEC's jargon survey
Our jargon is just the tip of our non-plain language iceberg. The heavy lift will be taming the use of  wordy, inflated language. We have been known to write shoreline recreation amenity when we mean beach. More (and more carefully designed) surveys are planned, in which we'll test selected words on targeted audiences. I’m happy to share the results of this jargon survey with anyone interested, including those of you who have already contacted me to express your (much appreciated) support. E-mail me. Let's keep in touch!"

Survey participation

• Total number of DEC staff who took survey: 894 (out of 3008)
• Total number of public who took survey: 413

Survey options

• Not familiar = I’m not familiar with this word
• Seen/heard = I’ve seen/heard this word but I don’t know what it means
• Unsure = I think I know what this means, but I’m not sure
• Know = I know the meaning of this word

Least familiar scientific jargon: anadr0mous       

• Not familiar: 43.8% (DEC); 53.8% (Public)
• Seen/heard: 10.5% (DEC); 10.9% (Public)

Least familiar regulatory jargon: attainment area 

• Not familiar: 25.5% (DEC); 30.5% (Public)
• Seen/heard: 14.8% (DEC); 16.2% (Public)

Most familiar jargon: invasive species

• Know: 95.4% (DEC); 93.9% (Public)    

Largest difference in familiarity between DEC and public: non-point source

• Not-familiar: 8.4% (DEC); 20.6% (Public)
• Seen/heard: 4.1% (DEC); 6.5% (Public)

Shouldn’t everyone at DEC know the term environmental stewardship?

• Not familiar: 2.8% (DEC); 3.9 % (Public) 
• Seen/heard: 4.3% (DEC); 3.6% (Public)
• Unsure: 15.1% (DEC); 16.5% (Public)

The public understands  some terms better than DEC does

• Know the meaning of  low-carbon economy: 35.2% (DEC); 45.3% (Public)
• Know the meaning of green-collar workforce: 38.9% (DEC); 44.6% (Public)

Update: Federal Plain Language Guidelines - March 2011

Many thanks to the folks at PlainLanguage.gov who have just updated their Federal Plain Language Guidelines and published them at their site. I'm so excited about this wonderful resource that I'm presenting the entire Table of Contents here so you can easily click through. You can also download the Guidelines (PDF). I hope you'll use these Guidelines to nurture clear writing in your organization or to help you develop a style guide of your own.

Federal Plain Language Guidelines

Introduction

1. Think about your audience
   1. Identify and write for your audience
   2. Address separate audiences separately
2. Organize
   1. Organize to meet your readers' needs
   2. Address one person, not a group
   3. Use lots of useful headings
   4. Write short sections
3. Write your document
   1. Words
      1. Verbs
         1. Use active voice
         2. Use the simplest form of a verb
         3. Avoid hidden verbs
         4. Use "must" to indicate requirements
         5. Use contractions when appropriate
      2. Nouns and pronouns
         1. Don't turn verbs into nouns
         2. Use pronouns to speak directly to readers
         3. Minimize abbreviations
      3. Other word issues
         1. Use short, simple words
         2. Omit unnecessary words
         3. Dealing with definitions
         4. Use the same term consistently for a specific thought or object
         5. Avoid legal, foreign, and technical jargon
         6. Don't use slashes
   2. Sentences
      1. Write short sentences
      2. Keep subject, verb, and object close together
      3. Avoid double negatives and exceptions to exceptions
      4. Place the main idea before exceptions and conditions
      5. Place words carefully
   3. Paragraphs
      1. Have a topic sentence
      2. Use transition words
      3. Write short paragraphs
      4. Cover only one topic in each paragraph
   4. Other aids to clarity
      1. Use examples
      2. Use lists
      3. Use tables to make complex material easier to understand
      4. Consider using illustrations
      5. Use emphasis to highlight important concepts
      6. Minimize cross-references
      7. Design your document for easy reading
4. Write for the web
   1. How do people use the web?
   2. Write for your users
   3. Identify your users and their top tasks
   4. Write web content
   5. Repurpose print material for the web
   6. Avoid PDF overload
   7. Use plain-language techniques on the web
   8. Avoid meaningless formal language
   9. Write effective links
5. Test
   1. Paraphrase Testing
   2. Usability Testing
   3. Controlled Comparative Studies
   4. Testing Successes
      1. Paraphrase Testing from the Veterans Benefits Administration
      2. Usability Testing from the National Cancer Institute

Join me for the Content Managers' Playbook course on February 23

On February 23, 2011, I am teaching a day-long course for Web Manager University in Washington, DC. Content Managers' Playbook: Proven Strategies for Getting Readable Content  is ideal for anyone who manages content and the people who write it.  I've provided the full course description, below.

During the course, I'll share some of the interviews I've done with forward-thinking content managers. If you'd like to be interviewed, or know a content manager who would, e-mail me.  I may not be able to use your interview in next week's course, but I'll try!

If you'll be in DC on February 23, I hope you'll consider joining me for the Content Managers' Playbook course.

Course Description

Your content management system is in place, you've got support from the higher-ups, and you've hired all the right people for your own web team. Yet you still struggle to get worthwhile content from the subject matter experts in your agency who are supposed to supply it. They don't think writing content for the Web is their job. They are not motivated to update their web pages. Sometimes they feed you unreadable content and ask you to "webify" it. Other times they just want to post a long PDF. Their resistance or lack of skill threatens the distributed publishing model you've worked hard to establish.

In this hands-on workshop, you'll learn how content managers in corporations, government, and nonprofits have cultivated their subject matter experts' content writing skills. You'll receive a Content Managers' Playbook with case studies and strategies for training and motivating content contributors, and helping them understand their role in the overall content publishing cycle.

Plain Language Act: An Announcement or a Send-up?

It's good to know the folks at FedWeek have a sense of humor, even about plain language. Here's their tongue-in-cheek announcement about the Plain Writing Act of 2010, signed into law by President Obama on October 13, 2010:

Plain Language Act Signed

"President Obama has signed into law (P.L. 111-274) legislation requiring agencies to use plain language in documents directed toward the public and to train employees in clear writing—for example, writing that does not utilize abstruse verbiage rather than use plain words, nor is redundant by making a point more than once (that is, twice or more), nor contains sentences that keep going even when the point at which they should have stopped arrived far before the period, with period in this case referring to a punctuation mark, rather than a measure of time, such as the time it takes to read writing full of unnecessary dependent clauses, sometimes known as subordinate clauses, that make it difficult for the reader to recall the subject by the end of the predicate, and that would not pass the law's standards."

Other joyful announcements of the Plain Writing Act:

• ABC News reports "Obama Signs Law We Can All Understand"
• The Center for Plain Language announces "President Obama Has Signed the Plain Writing of Act of 2010"

Yes, the government went and made writing well a law. This is going to be very good for readers!

-- Leslie O'Flahavan

Your Web Content Is Hurting My Eyes and My Brain

Dear U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission,

Usually I comment on the quality of the writing at a web site, but I've got to talk to you frankly today. The text on your home page is hurting my eyes:

• Your masthead is right-aligned
• Your left column is centered
• The labels for the main sections of your site are left-aligned (white text on a blue band) but each item listed below is right-aligned, which leaves a ragged blank mess on the left

SEC, I don't know where to look. My eyes are hopping around everywhere; I am conducting a very unproductive experiment in scanning. Maybe you could make your page look more like the Food and Drug Administration's home page. The FDA's isn't perfect, but the text is left-aligned.

SEC, please bone up on the usability research on text alignment. For homework, you must read:

• Right-Justified Navigation Menus Impede Scannability by Jakob Nielsen
• Eye Gaze Patterns while Searching vs. Browsing a Website from Usability News

And, SEC, whatever you do, please do not use the HR Management home page as your model. The only thing worse than text with hard-to-scan alignment is text that moves.

-- Leslie O'Flahavan

FAQs Upgrade: How the Library of Congress Regrouped to Improve Self-Service Content

Many congratulations to Paul Weiss, Senior Cataloging Policy Specialist, in the Library of Congress's Policy and Standards Division. After participating in an Advanced Writing for the Web course I recently taught, Paul rolled up his sleeves for a re-do of his FAQs page on cataloging.

Paul's FAQs, intended for archivists and librarians, had become an apples-and-oranges list of 23 questions. Some of the FAQs were clearly written for librarians--What office is responsible for cataloging policy at the Library of Congress?--and others were for publishers--How can I get my publication cataloged? And, as we all know, a list of 23 FAQs is too long for users. Instead of using the 23 FAQs to answer their questions themselves, most users will just give up and send an e-mail or give you a call.

The old version of the Library of Congress's FAQs about Cataloging

The new-and-improved version of the Library of Congress's FAQs about Cataloging

The new FAQs are truly improved:

• They have been sorted into three main categories--for the General Public, for Publishers, and for Librarians--and several subcategories.
• They are written in first person. Now the FAQ reads How can I obtain information about cataloging when the old version read How can publishers obtain ...
• Some FAQs were eliminated, which means the old list of 23 was given a thorough content review.

Have a great before-and-after example you'd like to share? Let me know and I will feature your rewrite here.

-- Leslie O'Flahavan

Download Social Media Toolkits from Mass.gov

From the National Association of Government Communicators list, I'm reposting information about a great resource: three social media toolkits from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. (Thanks to Susan Parker, Director of Mass.gov for this info.)  The toolkits cover

• blogging
• Twitter
• legal issues pertaining to social media

You can read the toolkits online or download the blogging and Twitter toolkits as PDFs. (The legal guidelines toolkit isn't available as a PDF.)

Highlights from the toolkits

Legal Guidance Toolkit
I was thrilled when I read the opening sentence of the Legal Guidance Toolkit: "There are no legal prohibitions against state agencies using social media sites or having social media identities." Such unequivocal language should help reduce the unreasonable fear of social media that prevents many government agencies from trying new ways of communicating with constituents. 

Blogging Toolkit

The blogging toolkit includes a Blog Preparation Checklist, which reminds agencies to answer these questions before they jump into blogging:  

1. "Who is your audience?
2. What business goals can your blog help you meet?
3. What topics will you blog about?
4. How will you administer your blog?
5. What is your publication plan / schedule?
6. What changes do you need to make to the template privacy, terms of use and social media policies? Have they been posted to your Secretariat or agency website?
7. What changes do you need to make to the template comment policy?
8. How will you publicize your blog?"

Twitter Toolkit
The Twitter toolkit includes a Twitter Best Practices list with plenty of practical advice. In particular, I like these three points for government Twitter-ers:

• "Be transparent. Who exactly is blogging for your agency? Is it a person? Is it a department? Make sure people know how they can reach the party behind the tweets. It makes a big difference in the perceived authenticity of your efforts."
• "Be proactive. Make sure you promote your Twitter page. Include a link to your webpage on your Twitter account, and a link to your Twitter account from your webpage. Include it in your formal communications plans. Insert it into your email signatures."
• "Be realistic. Twitter isn't quite as easy as it seems. You need to plan to devote time and resources to active engagement on Twitter. Additionally, building an audience may take longer than anticipated. Don't let slower than hoped for results diminish your commitment."

Susan Parker promised future Mass.gov toolkits that will cover YouTube, Facebook, Flickr, wikis, and survey tools.  If she posts more information, I'll link to it here.

Does your organization have a social media toolkit or guidelines you could share? If so, please let me know or post a comment. Thanks.

-- Leslie O'Flahavan

Tweet Government: Following Your Leaders

With a Blackberry-addicted president in the White House, it’s no wonder the federal government is focusing on ways to use new media to communicate with the public. Increasingly, officials and agencies are harnessing the immediacy and mobility of Twitter.  

President Obama leads the Twitter pack with almost 800,000 followers. (But Twitter may have lost its glitter for the President since his last tweet is dated March 25!) Congressional representatives and senators are taking up the slack. Surprisingly, more than twice as many Republicans (83) as Democrats (40) are tweeting. 

You can find out whether your congressman and senators are tweeting at Tweet Congress. And if they are not, you can sign a petition asking them to “join Twitter to engage the citizens in real discourse about the issues facing the nation.” Arizona Senator John McCain is the congressional leader with more than 400,000 followers, far outpacing second place Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill with about 20,000.

 It not just the legislative branch that uses Twitter. Many government agencies are tweeting about policy, legislation, and schedules. Some agencies are using Twitter to send just-in-time information. 

• The U.S. Geological Survey posts earthquake warnings.
• The FDA posts food recalls.
• The National Park Service posts snow reports and bear sightings for Yosemite. 
• NASA posted updates from Mars during the Mars Phoenix Lander Mission. 

Who else in government is tweeting?  BearingPoint has compiled a GovTwit Directory and updates it on Twitter. 

Do you know of innovative ways the government is using Twitter? Let us know!

--Marilynne Rudick